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i just read some of my old entries
gosh i dont understand my own brain sometimes
which is a trite and cliched sentiment but no less sincere for being recycled

i feel a bit lost lately and quite co dependent
everything seems external and that which normally makes me calmer has been boring me lately
i have so much to do and so little time

and the things i want may or may not exist.
i want one of those machines from hitch hickers guide to the galexy that tells you what you want then makes it for you

THOUGH YOU SAY YOUR MY FRIEND
IM AT MY WITS END

i hear you!
in my bones and
metaphoricly blue hair

i have been so annoyed lately. at people and their inability to change or tendency to never stay thesame.
i feel like i am a passing amusement amongst my friends and peers! like words come out of my mouth
that are nothing more then the verbalisation of
a sincere thought
(the kind in which i find no adherent amusing qualaties)
only to cause laughter. i feel like people think i am so amusing
that they never listen to my content
just the words that are arranged in such a way
to amuse them
hey!
im not here to be so sweetly mirth inducing
im trying to say something and no one really listens


and i am trying to remember that people from the better side of the train tracks (the side with grass not -contrastingly- broken glass) will never understand some things
they may comprehend.
but they will never understand.
and that annoys me so much, places a seed of doubt within my heart
like why should i and mine be considered so strange
when we have a more common denominator then others.

there is no sincerity in being bound together by things like books and music. there is only vanity, like "hey i like you because you like the same feeble things as me, and im deffinatly the most awesome for liking those things in the first place"

you know?

this has manifested at parties recently. overhearing a conversation or whispered words
like "i love " and "oh you love too? how cool"
and the urge to raise a point
on topics that i would have once considered myself so well versed in
is nonexistant! a smile to myself, and i keep the music trivia in my brain, keep quiet and remember that there is more to life then that

chuck!
i do watch my fair share of tv shows, and have been a bit befuddled when it comes to this show. on the one hand i kinda thought it was just another tv studio hoping to cash into the whole "geek boys are the cutest" trend that has been floating about lately, but something about it has worn me down after time. i just completed season two and must confess i am besotted.
the main characters strugle with feeling ordinary and being forced to be extraordinary is so interesting, i feel like its something we must all feel somedays. when we feel we have no potential! when we are just crawling instead of running
i think its a lovely theme
and it is deffinatly giving me something to think about in terms of my own script writting

EDIT: i just happened upon a recording of a song featuring zachary levi, who plays chuck and gosh he has a super lovely voice!

hey! lets all download some tank girl.

i shaved some of my head yesterday and i am feeling very keen on such things
also it is very good for refrence, as far as comics go!

assignment hey, you guys dont need to read this. meerly for school purposes

one artist who applys post modern thought process and questions to a prominant social issue is gordon bennet. Bennet is of Anglo-Celtic and Aboriginal ancestry, only discovering his aboriginal ancestry at the relativly old age of 11. Bennet utilises this multicultural herritage and sense of alienation to adress issues pertaining to race, and the public perception of the aboriginal people by a socioty largely constituted of white people.

a prime example of Bennets ability to convey complex cultural issues through visual stimulai is his painting But i always wanted to be one of the good guys.
the work alludes to bennets attempts to reconcile both his black and whit eherritage both personally, and on a more grand social scale, self referencially portraying the artist as a young boy dressed in what is commonly percieved as a decidely white role; that of a cowboy. in direct opposition to this image are the reconisably contrasting images of the red skinned native americans, more colloquially known as indians. commonly percieved as being feudal forces, bennet makes the distiction between white and right, black and bad through these childhood images, placing the cowboys within a role of assumative superiority to that of the indians. As cultural paralleles can be drawn bewteen the collonisation of america and australia, the inclusion of indians as apposed to aboriginals remains relevant as both races experienced years of misfortune and masacre at the hands of their respective white settlers.



In addition, the portrayal of bennets cultural crisis as that of cowboys and indians, acts to deconstructe the larger more complex issue of this cultural feud to something more understandable and paletable to the paintings focal point, a child. By translating this issue to the more recognisably juvenile and simplistic cowboys and indians, bennet in turn translates what it must have felt like for him as a child of 11 to be confronted with a wholy foreign and percievably negative cultural identity. bennet has captured this child like perspective through the raw and basic figures of both the white cowboys and red indians, the way in which they are painted seeming both primal and childlike. Also the title effortlessly conveys the childlike sense of 'good' and 'bad', and how the distinction between the two is clear and concise as a child, as influenced by parental figures. it is the inclusion of this childhood perspective that makes this painting both poinant and compelling.

a small update!
i have been doing alot of tafe work lately, or at least attending tafe which takes up so much time. i will hopefuly have some nice things to share with everyone, but i would like to wait until i have it all done to update. i have some life drawings (which i think are interesting to look at in regards to technical drawing as apposed to personal preferance), sculpture, painting, screen printing AND printmaking. i will admit however that i still have some catching up to do. now that the website i read batman on is BROKEN (and thusly my heart along with it) im sure i will be gettng alot more work done.

i have been so inspired by others art lately, i feel like i am being pushed to be better by everyone around me! its so nice to have friends who inspire such things deep from within your lazy bones.

i cant stop playing bejewlled, i stayed up till like, 2 am the other night playing it. is there some sort of support group i can goto? surely someone out there has felt the bitter sting of bejewlled addiction the same as i?

my friend pat is always asking me who i would dress up as at some sort of pop culture convention if i was thus inclinced. my answer varies alot, sometimes i say tank girl or raven or characters from anime, but i think deep down i would really choose batgirl if i could pull it off. depending on which batgirl it was that i wanted to be. i would probably choose cassandra cain because she is fucking badass


-by james jean

supernova!

fuck i feel so full to the brimm of inspiration and adoration. like my heart is overflowing and my soul is streaming out my nose holes.
i feel so distant from art though, like i spent 3 days around people so creative and trying to push this lil book of mine upon people, that i am too full of information to sort through it and try and translate it to ink and like and word.
you know? i want to badly to convey this feeling in my bones

i feel a lil like i want to bawl my eyes out, i feel so overwhelmed! not from sadness persay, more an overabundance of emotion

and gosh i can not say
in any descernable capacity
how much love ben sea (plump oyster) and mel stringer (girlie pains) have inspired in my heart
they took me under their wings and let me sit at their selling table
and fed me pizza and talked to me in funny voices
and saved me when i left my wallet somewhere with bus fare and warm smiles
and it makes me weep how sweet they are
i have never met old souls so soft and kind
and i am so proud of them and wish for so much happyness to come to them
because they make me so crazy effing happy

things worth mentioning
(and i write this with the idea that blogs are for the verbalisation and transition of memories into something that can be recalled later, even if the memory has faded)

-there was this stall for people who build their own r2d2 robots and stuff, and they were roaming throughout the place. confronted with the reality of a robot i was actually quite freaked out, id always thought id be pretty cool with them, having been influenced by scifi and such. at least they wernt sentient

-rock band was set up directly across us, which was good for viewing i guess. this one guy got up and he was very kurt cobaine esq, and he started making up his own lyrcis, ala "this is my life, behind the beehive". everytime i think about it i have to laugh, its just the most preposterous combination of words

- we saw the sillyest romance style mangas. the highlights were "flowers and bees" and "dont blame me" which had a picture of two effeminant dudes kissing on the cover

- a variety of rediculously cute little kids walking past. most notable was a lovely lil girl dressed as superwoman, she had the tinyest lil pig tails and the biggest brown doe eyes. also saw the most amazing poco rosso costume in existance (perhaps?)

- chewing hubba-bubba perpetually makes you feel like a renegade

- reading ben and mels comics on the bus home made me giggle so much

-i accidently told a girl it looked like james masters wanted to "fuck" her. i felt so rude immediatly after, who says stuff like that to strangers? to contextualise it was a comment about the photo she had got taken with him in which he was standing quite close and doing his (what i consider to be) well known fuck face.

- for some reason all the boys there smelt like tomato sauce.

- sewing felt heart badges for a slew of girls. i really enjoyed it if im being honest though towards the end i felt so anxious. people seemed to really appreciate the home made quality of them though, which made me feel so swell. one boy got what i assumed was usernames of him and his girlfriend (?) like, tom for alice, i thought it was the cutest thing in the whole fucking world. other requests and ones premade and sold - tony stark, dr. sheldon cooper, batman, miyazaki, wolverine, i <3 effy, i <3 pokemon, hit-girl, 4zzz,and i really cannot remember the rest AT ALL.

- while having a smokey stick mel and i overheard a group of three boys having a discussion in which the question was "if you could kiss any girl in the world who would it be?" which i thought was the cutest thing ever. the fact that they were discussing who to kiss as apposed to the more traditional who to have sex with. we didnt hear their answers but i would have been interested to have done so.

- talking to various artists! so fucking nice, everyone was so kind to one another and there was a really lovely spirit of comradery umongst the table holders i think. he stallholders perhaps not so much as the mostly worked for people selling books and such and wernt trying to sell things they had created themselves, but everyone was pretty kind to one another as a whole. it was so fascinating to see how other people approached the comic book making process (not that i do comics per say myself), there were so many different styles and methods, it was fascinating and inspiring! one group (two lovely ladies opperating under the name burgerforce) took photographs for each frame and then edited the photos in illustrator to make them stencil-esq. absolutly amazing.

-got to have a real life nerd chat with a nice fellow sitting at the comicboy studios table. its so rare i get to talk about comics with someone who isnt my friend jordaan (who is truly an amazing dude for such things in all fairness to him) it was secretly a hope of mine at the beginning of supernova that such a spirited conversation would occur. patrick and his lovely lady laura got caught in the crossfire unfortunatly, and even now to think of them standing there and listening to me spew forth "i like it in issue 35 of batman when robin does"* makes me cringe in my ribcage and so so embarissed.

- i realised also how much i talk about my good friend gel to other people. ive come to refer to her as my heterosexual life partner in my head which is fucking appropriate if all is taken into consideration. i feel like i didnt stop talking about her all weekend, which isnt a bad thing because she also fills my heart with happyness. she unfortunatly missed out on the occasion due to study, but she is truly my other half and partner in crime.

- patrick and laura visiting was so nice, to see a friendly face umongst the vieled and costumed crowd. laura bought so many zines and home made comics, it made me smile. also ghost world which is amazing. patrick purchased a pretty fucking amazing batman drawing which i hope to see on his wall at some point in the future.

- ben was obliging enough to paint a lil paper half face mask for me. there is a story that goes with this which basicly ends in i get too aware of my own face flesh sometimes, and having a tasty little viewshield will banish away those unnecissary demons

- meeting the nice and funny fellows from phatsville was delightful, and they were the most wonderful of table mates. i cant wait to start trying my pesky hands at this fandangled comic thing, i really hope i can one day submit something for the phatsville consideration. laying paverstones for the diy kids of the future.

so there i think thats that? fuck i am impressed
if anyone has come this far in terms of reading this monumental post.

in summation:

<3mammoi and pappoi<3

*dramatisation

i mostly have been sleeping all day and reading web comics all night lately

its a good thing i fell out of flow with penny arcade or i would have nothing to pull me through these cold and dreary nights.

supanova this weekend! i am so nervouse grumbly sick in my stupid guts, it makes me sick all over again.
what if noone likes my stuff, hey?! then i will probably just crawl into the nearest toilet cubicle wail-crying and eating pages out of batman comics.

i cant ever see myself enjoying a film in which the premise is this guy being unattractive.
maybe its just me getting distracted by my peripherals in the sense that hes standing before a veritable wall of comic books but, im not sure. this whole, geek to glory thing is wierding me out lately

i have not been uploading much art late
for that i apologise.
i have bean finding faces hard of late, and everything that pours from these fingertips feels so stagnant!

but time to try again maybe.

i watched the brothers bloom yesterday. gosh what an amazing film
so enviable in its super sleuth ways and quiet trickery!
i wonder if con men and women really do exist in such a capacity in real life
if they are eternaly crowned by bowler hats and always wearing the most amazing of vests.

i should hope so. there is not enough of such things perhaps. or at least that they are far and few between.

the kind mel stringer and ben sea have offered this sea orphan a chance to sit along them during this years supernova at brisbane. i am oh so excited both to sell things and the convention and to sit along side my lovely friends. my cup doeth runneth over <3

i have been making so felt heart badgies, so far i have only made a batman one bfor selling, but i plan to make a fair few more n.n. more on that later but!

sometimes i feel so inspired
it makes me sad
to think that there is so much amazing stuff
like how can we compare
our efforts to others

when it is all perception!
and sometimes the message can be mis-percieved.
and we have no way of controlling such things
but it is so important to at least try

i just watched where the wild things are, i think it was a bit sad in the end. i didnt like most of it until max was leaving the island

i think it was so brave of spike lee to try to create something
that many people are very stubborn about. most people who have read the book will always have their own idea of how it should have gone
but i think he tried very hard.
and did as well as any of us could have.
especially considering the limited dialogue potential
and how half the book is just the wild things dancing through the forest.

people dont think about things like that i guess
when they are quick to criticise someone elses interpretation
or vision

http://rumplo.com/tees/tee/13477-ames-bros-leprechaun-

DO WANT

always sunny in my heart

oh man
i am being so obsessed with always sunny in philadelphia lately. sometimes i think things are to brilliant for my comprehension and i am left in this sort of limbo like state of total mindblank adoration, never quite capable of making that leap to full acceptance that people have the capacity to make things that i love.
i also find myself falling more in love with charlie everyday even though he eats lotsa cat food and sometimes pees himself. i have been assured this is not the development of some sort of terrible cat food and pee fettish, he is just irresistable in some ways. especially back in the day (like season one and two) when he was just dislexic and not completly retarded and when he still wore nice wollen jumpers.

those of you who know me well will remember that the key to my heart lies well and turly within the sweater and cardigan draw of a boys closet.

and how amazing are these photos HUH
special thanks to patrick for showing me such things.

...and for buying me a wolverine slinky recently.

an art update!!

this is some stuff
i have been creating at tafe. with printmaking i am concentrating on windows
which ive always thouht were capable of having the nicest lines and aesthetics

the bottom picture is a stencil i did of tim and eric, because they are the only thing i could think of
that was worthy of being spray painted on brick and building

"you remind me of home"

thoughts provoked by the recent valentines day. such an odd occurance perhaps
i cannot help but love such silly (and possibly trite) pop music sensabilaties. sometimes it is just too understandable to wet your whistle with something that is picture perfect and cutely lulling.
the whole concept of clishe'
make me so sad and disenchanted sometimes. like the fact that it is percieved this ways somehow discounts the possability of something BEING this way, you know?

perhaps sometimes
it is just easy to hope that nice things happen
free of our constraints.

this is clearly the best valentines day e-card of all time.

i promise to update with things that are valid or in some way interesting soon! i have so much to share

so sentimental
not sentimental, no

i adore skins so much.
i find people who dont adore it
are either people who do not drink or smoke or any of that
but it captures something so organic and amazing and enviable i think

i used to wear an "emily" bracelette around my wrist to remind me to try and be lovely like her

bitter in waking, too attatched to the intangible and vivid memories of dreams! recalling fleeting moments of realisation, only to be ignored and passed between the pages of subconcious this and that
i thnk i have realised that there is only ordinary
and i am bowing out of the race for anothers heart
because we are never happy, even when we get the things we want
and i am sick of being heart sick
and full of wit and worry

i am going into hybernation
and i dont expect to ever want to leave the house again
which may be problematic
since i can nevr have company over

we will never fufil those plans we made i guess

and noone ever takes the time
to take the effort
to show those who are so distant
how they care
or how TO care

a small photo update. sometimes if fell that lensy sort of heart beat in me, but not always.

i have been thinking on the biblical sort of side of fiction lately. not in a very religious way, more like an outside observer perhaps. but there is some very lovely art to do with those sorts of old tails

to do list:
watch new skins tommorow night
wear more cardigans and get bigger glasses
have a crafternoon to make felt lil badgies. monogramed hearts
buy http://www.zazzle.com/bad_angels_gustave_dore_tshirt-235789090996229854

i am stuck in this house
i am sitting upon
and i have all these thoughts
that feel so misplaced in a nest not my own
and perhaps it is wrong to feel like you must contextualise such things
to be in a space to worn and well known
but i miss my walls and familiar posts and poles.
and these things do not feel the same.

my deer friend sammy gave me a sweet singing lullaby cd from lil scout
which is the band of a girl i used to know so well,
laura k,
and it seems like such a strange happenstance to be given such a thing by someone whom i adore so much now
about a friend whom i used to adore so much then
the space between us seems so far
and i feel like there is too much distance
between whom i used to be
and whom is wearing this skin and bones now


you are the kind
whom i adore

i wish there were more conveniently placed
sweet and sultry hollows
within one might enjoy a few shots

--

its very unfair that being eloquent with words is smething that requires practise
why cant i just be lazy like all things
and remian eternally graceful

these are some of my most favourite editorial style photographs. my friend pat has achievable ambitions of taking photos like this one day, which i think about often because it will undoubtedly and most regretably take him places much further away then this one.











i have bean quite absent of late. sleeping under covers even though the night is hot and unforgiving! working for things i probably dont need. lusting after things that are undeserving and unlikely.