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i just read some of my old entries
gosh i dont understand my own brain sometimes
which is a trite and cliched sentiment but no less sincere for being recycled

i feel a bit lost lately and quite co dependent
everything seems external and that which normally makes me calmer has been boring me lately
i have so much to do and so little time

and the things i want may or may not exist.
i want one of those machines from hitch hickers guide to the galexy that tells you what you want then makes it for you

THOUGH YOU SAY YOUR MY FRIEND
IM AT MY WITS END

i hear you!
in my bones and
metaphoricly blue hair

i have been so annoyed lately. at people and their inability to change or tendency to never stay thesame.
i feel like i am a passing amusement amongst my friends and peers! like words come out of my mouth
that are nothing more then the verbalisation of
a sincere thought
(the kind in which i find no adherent amusing qualaties)
only to cause laughter. i feel like people think i am so amusing
that they never listen to my content
just the words that are arranged in such a way
to amuse them
hey!
im not here to be so sweetly mirth inducing
im trying to say something and no one really listens


and i am trying to remember that people from the better side of the train tracks (the side with grass not -contrastingly- broken glass) will never understand some things
they may comprehend.
but they will never understand.
and that annoys me so much, places a seed of doubt within my heart
like why should i and mine be considered so strange
when we have a more common denominator then others.

there is no sincerity in being bound together by things like books and music. there is only vanity, like "hey i like you because you like the same feeble things as me, and im deffinatly the most awesome for liking those things in the first place"

you know?

this has manifested at parties recently. overhearing a conversation or whispered words
like "i love " and "oh you love too? how cool"
and the urge to raise a point
on topics that i would have once considered myself so well versed in
is nonexistant! a smile to myself, and i keep the music trivia in my brain, keep quiet and remember that there is more to life then that

chuck!
i do watch my fair share of tv shows, and have been a bit befuddled when it comes to this show. on the one hand i kinda thought it was just another tv studio hoping to cash into the whole "geek boys are the cutest" trend that has been floating about lately, but something about it has worn me down after time. i just completed season two and must confess i am besotted.
the main characters strugle with feeling ordinary and being forced to be extraordinary is so interesting, i feel like its something we must all feel somedays. when we feel we have no potential! when we are just crawling instead of running
i think its a lovely theme
and it is deffinatly giving me something to think about in terms of my own script writting

EDIT: i just happened upon a recording of a song featuring zachary levi, who plays chuck and gosh he has a super lovely voice!

hey! lets all download some tank girl.

i shaved some of my head yesterday and i am feeling very keen on such things
also it is very good for refrence, as far as comics go!

assignment hey, you guys dont need to read this. meerly for school purposes

one artist who applys post modern thought process and questions to a prominant social issue is gordon bennet. Bennet is of Anglo-Celtic and Aboriginal ancestry, only discovering his aboriginal ancestry at the relativly old age of 11. Bennet utilises this multicultural herritage and sense of alienation to adress issues pertaining to race, and the public perception of the aboriginal people by a socioty largely constituted of white people.

a prime example of Bennets ability to convey complex cultural issues through visual stimulai is his painting But i always wanted to be one of the good guys.
the work alludes to bennets attempts to reconcile both his black and whit eherritage both personally, and on a more grand social scale, self referencially portraying the artist as a young boy dressed in what is commonly percieved as a decidely white role; that of a cowboy. in direct opposition to this image are the reconisably contrasting images of the red skinned native americans, more colloquially known as indians. commonly percieved as being feudal forces, bennet makes the distiction between white and right, black and bad through these childhood images, placing the cowboys within a role of assumative superiority to that of the indians. As cultural paralleles can be drawn bewteen the collonisation of america and australia, the inclusion of indians as apposed to aboriginals remains relevant as both races experienced years of misfortune and masacre at the hands of their respective white settlers.



In addition, the portrayal of bennets cultural crisis as that of cowboys and indians, acts to deconstructe the larger more complex issue of this cultural feud to something more understandable and paletable to the paintings focal point, a child. By translating this issue to the more recognisably juvenile and simplistic cowboys and indians, bennet in turn translates what it must have felt like for him as a child of 11 to be confronted with a wholy foreign and percievably negative cultural identity. bennet has captured this child like perspective through the raw and basic figures of both the white cowboys and red indians, the way in which they are painted seeming both primal and childlike. Also the title effortlessly conveys the childlike sense of 'good' and 'bad', and how the distinction between the two is clear and concise as a child, as influenced by parental figures. it is the inclusion of this childhood perspective that makes this painting both poinant and compelling.

a small update!
i have been doing alot of tafe work lately, or at least attending tafe which takes up so much time. i will hopefuly have some nice things to share with everyone, but i would like to wait until i have it all done to update. i have some life drawings (which i think are interesting to look at in regards to technical drawing as apposed to personal preferance), sculpture, painting, screen printing AND printmaking. i will admit however that i still have some catching up to do. now that the website i read batman on is BROKEN (and thusly my heart along with it) im sure i will be gettng alot more work done.

i have been so inspired by others art lately, i feel like i am being pushed to be better by everyone around me! its so nice to have friends who inspire such things deep from within your lazy bones.

i cant stop playing bejewlled, i stayed up till like, 2 am the other night playing it. is there some sort of support group i can goto? surely someone out there has felt the bitter sting of bejewlled addiction the same as i?

my friend pat is always asking me who i would dress up as at some sort of pop culture convention if i was thus inclinced. my answer varies alot, sometimes i say tank girl or raven or characters from anime, but i think deep down i would really choose batgirl if i could pull it off. depending on which batgirl it was that i wanted to be. i would probably choose cassandra cain because she is fucking badass


-by james jean